Lyric help? (includes my bad attempts at writing)?

Ok, i'm 13 and trying to write a song and all i get is little bits like-



Wake up in the morning; it鈥檚 a beautiful day,

Take a walk, oh what more can I say.

And smile to myself, oh and I smile. (gay i know)



Empty bottles and broken dreams - a title (stole it from lyric ideas.com)



I should have known

But I guess I always knew the ship was sinking

Suppose I just got to tired of thinking

How to solve the endless puzzle that is us

Trying to navigate the twisted maze of love



Because last night in my dreams

You told me everything鈥檚 not as it seems

And you took me by the hand

And lead me to an enchanted land



You drew a line

I rubbed it out

Eliminating fear and doubt

You took a step

It took one too

And now i鈥檓 standing here with you



Yeah, can anyone help me make something out of these because my friend reckons shes a better song writer than me and i think i can do way better lol ... anyway heres the chorus of hers(she wont mind me posting hers btw)



It to late, whats done has been done,

don鈥檛 try to talk to me now

We know what you have done and I just cant get over it knowing what you鈥檝e done,

cause you just brang my whole life down and no matter what I do

I just cant bring myself to get over you.



And please no rude comments, its all just for fun:) and before anyone reminds me, i promise wont give up my day job.Lyric help? (includes my bad attempts at writing)?
Hun, if you like your lyrics, screw what anyone else thinks. Don't dumb your lyrics down by calling them gay or whatever. Also, you're only 13; you shouldn't have a day job, and despite what assholes out there say, you probably don't need to keep it =P People slam great artists all the time. Even so, if you yourself have little confidence in your own voice, people sell and buy lyrics and melodies all the time!



I have an entire document full of lyrics; like how you've set them out here, just a lot bigger! Even if some of your lyrics seem a bit immature, as you grow, so will they. I've been writing songs since I was like, 9 or 10, when I discovered my voice. I think my first song was called "Let's go out" and consisted of "Let's go out, have some fun, play some sport, in the sun, being happy, etc..." Now, I'm in a band and write much deeper stuff, which I won't post, due to that guy's point about stealing lyrics. If you'd like to hear my stuff, myspace.com/winterfiction.



"You drew a line

I rubbed it out"

I love these two lines. Soon as I saw them I said, "There's something there." What you need to do with these lyrics is pick out your favourites, which will totally change with your mood. Then you've got two sort of paths you can take; think up more abstract sorts of things, or put it into a mood. These lyrics I'd say are definitely a bit more sad, but you could twist them into like, someone draws the line, you rub it out, like the line's a barrier you're breaking down, as opposed to a connection you're breaking up. Keep revising whatever you write, and don't delete anything. Put your songs over time into like, year or age folders or something, and eventually, you might come across something you write now, and find one part of it you really, really love, and totally revamp the song into something that fits you and the world in time.
its a really good start!! you should defo build on it!!Lyric help? (includes my bad attempts at writing)?
first of all,



you shouldnt post lyrics on a website like this



anyone can read them

anyone can steal them

(i'm not like that, because I know how hard it is to write songs as well.)



this is something that might be hard to hear

but you have to wait for it to come to you

it took me 3 months to write one song.

5 to write another.



I've got a total of 3 songs in my book.

thats over the course of since i learned how to write.



So all i can say is, let it come to you.

This may sound weird too, but I do some of my best thinking when using the toilet.

Sitting there in peace just gives you the time you need by yourself to think.



But my best advice is to wait and see. It'll come to you, dont worry

:)
DON'T SAY GAY.



I find that saying 'republican' instead is a much better insult. :]Lyric help? (includes my bad attempts at writing)?
I think it's all right, a little vague. But you're young, keep working at it and eventually you'll find the right formula. Unfortunately, songwriting isn't something you can become good at over night, so I can only give you words of encouragement.



There needs to be more to the end of yours. And don't try to make it rhyme (I feel like you might have done that in the chorus part) just let it flow. One way or another the right words will find a way in there.



And by the way, your friends is extremely redundant and fails to find a way to connect to an audience. In other words, she tried too hard.
Hi I think what you got is pretty good so far and I like seeing new song writers :) I believe music should be a thing where people pass down their knowledge and experience to those who want to learn which is fast decreasing in todays world.



Anyway Here is your verse with my ideas for you



Empty bottles and broken dreams

Verse 1



I should have known,

But I guess I always knew,

I just got to tired of reading,

its the last time I am grieving



Bridge

Because last night in my dreams

told me its not as it seems



Chorus



You drew a line

I rubbed it out

You stole my trust now I am

Ridding of my fear and doubt

You took a step

It took one too

You asked me to take your hand

And this is where we stand("dont try it again")

Or we will be through



Verse 2

The fear amount and built inside

There was no place to go run and hide

Empty bottles and broken dreams

You keep saying this thing aint what it seems



Chorus



You drew a line

I rubbed it out

You stole my trust now I am

Ridding of my fear and doubt

You took a step

It took one too

You asked me to take your hand

And this is where we stand("dont try it again")

Or we will be through



Middle 8



You keep me here hanging

I am forever waiting

Empty Bottles

Broken Dreams





Chorus



You drew a line

I rubbed it out

You stole my trust now I am

Ridding of my fear and doubt

You took a step

It took one too

You asked me to take your hand

And this is where we stand("dont try it again")

Or we will be through



Or we will be through!





There we go I wish you the best with your songwriting, and feel free to contact me anytime for advice with this stuff. Music is my passion



Good luck
aw i like what you've done so far its really good,



and i think your friend is wrong and that you are a better songwriter than her, hers is good too though.