For fans of Doom/Sludge/Post Metal only...Opinions on my lyrics?

finished it in an hour (too many writer-blocks xD) but managed to finish it. The end came rushed though. Well, here it is. The beat is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEVyDjxsU鈥?/a> (Doom/Sludge Metal)



Entitled: Sol Solis Occasus (Latin for Sun-Setter)



Oh, wisdom sun

luminous hope

free my mind

devour my pain.

Oh, restless sun

call upon me

take me to safe

pour your living rain.



Shine me your rays

and give me strength

to reach the high

inspiration.

Close the gate

of unholiness

clear the evil

devastation.



(PreChorus)

But time marches

into your breathing

fast as light

it disappears.

As you descend

a heart stops living

thus in the horizon

the white spirit appears.

(EndOfPreChorus)



(Chorus)

Oh, mother nature

please don't let it die

clear the wicked

and let me breathe.

Hear the howls

of reckoning

the eye of the beholder

falling on endless sleep.

(CloseOfChorus)



The warmth of your fire

keeps me sealed

the haze crushes

the demon inside.

Your presence

rise the doomed

cleanses a soul

and grows a new life.



The calming sea

of mother earth

reflected by

your powerful beam.

Shows a road

a worthy sign

of reality

turning into dreams.



(pre-chorus)



(Chorus)



..(chorus again x2)



(Hmm... piano break? Pre-chorus and ending)

But time marches

into your breathing

fast as light

it disappears.

As you descend

a heart stops living

thus in the horizon

the white spirit appears.



Also, I put the title like that because i had comments like "it's emo, it's scary, it's weird" Since (i assume) that most users here likes pop music. so I want people from the Metal genre to give me the opinion.For fans of Doom/Sludge/Post Metal only...Opinions on my lyrics?
The lyrics seem pretty cool, but the youtube link doesn't work. It says the URL is "malformed"